I'm here. But I can hear Joe waking up. Possibly. So we'll see how long this lasts, eh. Despite being pissed off with Anton and Bruce and still unconvinced by the whole Arlene/Alesha business, I still woke up this morning and thought, "Ooh! Strictly tonight!" which probably says more about my boring life than about SCD.
Ooh, Zoe's out first. I've got a bit of a girl crush on Zoe. She seems really sweet and I've loved her dances so far. How often am I supposed to update this thing, do you think? I'll update now to show willing...
They're doing a foxtrot and ... I'm confused as to what tense I'm writing in ... it looks lovely so far, but it's not thrilling me. No, I wasn't thrilled, but it looked pretty flawless to me. Was that Kelly Brook's boyf in the audience? He looks about 14. I find this 'make a note of it' running gag thing mildly amusing. You know, for a Bruce gag. Ooh, I meant to wait for the judges' comments and then I forgot. I don't have a huge problem with Alesha, but I'm finding her very condescending. "Darling" indeed. Should be 8s and even a couple of 9s per the comments, no? Woo! I was right. Okay, almost.
Just got to pop up and say goodnight to Harry...
I'm back. "Who will stay with me?" Harry said, plaintively. "Daddy can't, he's cooking dinner and I can't, I'm, er, liveblogging the dancing."
Is anyone else finding Chris incredibly sexy right now. No? No, I didn't think so. I might've just done a bit of sick. Was that his sex face, do you think? If Chris was feeling self-conscious, why did she have him standing in the middle of the floor shaking his arse and grimacing? And I can't believe Bruce said, "Talk about mincing" or whatever it was to Craig. You can let some go, Bruce, you know, if they're really shit. I think a 5 from Craig was a leetle low. I would've given it a 6.
"Will our hot mama Jo pull off a foxy foxtrot tonight?" Will she fox.
Oh I love Linda's dress. She looks lovely. Bit of a rictus grin though and she looks like she's trying to lead. I got bored half way through, but it looked okay. Ooh, just had a quick look at Twitter and it seems I'm the only one who likes the dress. It does look rather corsety, but I like that! She looks like she's lost some weight too. Now I'd give that a 5. Or maybe even a 4. 7, Len? What's the point of that? Really?
Just checked on Harry - asleep. But I think Joe's waking up. Last time I came downstairs, the TV had changed to "The Making of Pixar's Up". This time, a reminder had come up for "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium". Really should keep the remote away from the 5 year old.
Amazingly skimpy outfit on Ali. She's clearly really good, but this routine looks a bit desperate to me. They could be going very wrong and I wouldn't be able to tell. Kudos for doing the death drop though. Really impressive, but would have been better a teeny bit slower, I think. Ooh! Len agrees with me! That's unusual. Usually I agree with Craig. I'd give that an 8... as did everyone else!
David's just brought Joe down. I might be a few minutes...
Well Jo Wood wasn't as painful as I expected. She looks great, but she's so inelegant. She doesn't even walk gracefully. Tactless song choice too. "And someday, you'd leave me for somebody new". It was her best dance yet though, surely? Yes, Craig agrees. If Chris was a 5 then that's a 3, I'd say. Though I'd be kind and give it a 4.
Oh I LOVE Natalie. And of course I love Vincent (he's the one I'd want if I went on). I hope she doesn't bottle this like she did the Cha Cha Cha (it was the Cha x 3 she did last time, wasn't it?). I missed some of that - cos I was spooning cottage cheese and spinach into Joe's gaping craw - but what I saw I loved. She's so brave and confident. She missed a few bits and the arm thingies were confusing, but I really liked it. Another 8 from me.
Who do you like least, Joe or Jo? I can't be doing with either of them, but I think I'd prefer to see this great lug go out first. Or would I? I can't decide. I think maybe he bugs me more because he's having a bit with Kristina. Although I don't know why that bothers me - usually I like it when the celebs and pros are gettin' in awn. He looks like a halfwit, but Kristina is magnificent. This is actually making me feel a bit unwell. That might actually give me nightmares. Sixes? FFS. Len is a waste of space.
Hmm. Big cheer for Anton and Laila. Hmm. That's all I'm saying. Oh dear, sorry, missed most of that since I went into an angry trance. What I saw looked quite good and certainly more entertaining than the other foxtrots, but did she stumble a few times? Hang on, if Len and Alesha gave Joe sixes, that had to be at least a twelve, didn't it? FFS.
I don't actually fancy Ricky Whittle, but the dude sure can dance. He looks completely comfortable and confident too. Oh dear, looks like they messed up the ending though. And the in between the legs bit. But he's amazing. Ooh! Alesha being controversial! Wonder if she's peed off to have been knocked off the front pages!
Aw, nuts! Am I missing Robbie on The X Factor? I'll have to watch it on YouTube.
Craig gets right on my nerves. There's always one who thinks they're better than they are and makes excuses and argues. Jan Ravens was one... I can't think of any more. You can forget the steps, Craig. You can deliver. But what you can't do is dance. Sorry. [Cue a really great dance from Craig now] Um. No. It wasn't actually *painful* like previous dances, but he still looks "special" to me. He started to smile towards the end though and he looked like he was thinking, "I'm doing it! I'm dancing!" Oh shut up, Len. What is the point of telling him it's difficult?! And Bruce, the male celebrities don't lead, the female pros just make it look like they're leading. Balls. I'd give that a 5. Or did I give Linda a 5? In that case, a 4. Gosh, it's hard to keep track of these scores, that's probably why Len just gives everyone a 7.
And now my dinner's here: fresh tuna, chips and roasted veg. David is not going to be impressed that I'm blogging while eating. I'd forgotten all about Jade. That is way too much dress. That didn't do anything for me, but the ending was great. I'll probably forget her next week too. Do you know, I find it hard to sympathise when women complain about their mega long legs. My inside leg is 26 inches. 26 inches! Ha! The audience didn't know what to do with a 7 from Craig.
I can't stand Erin, but I've liked everything Ricky Groves has done so far. This isn't good so far, but I'm expecting a big finish. Oh no. It was just rubbish. What a shame. Oh Len, do shut up. They're all tough dances. That would be a 5 from me again. Oh he was ill? He should've done a Marie Osmond and fainted. That would've scored the votes for sure.
Isn't there a risk that you could permanently damage yourself dancing the salsa days after a knee operation. I am so loving this opening. Go Phil! He's not doing much, but that's not unreasonable given the circs. 6 from me. Ha! Craig. What "lascivious nightclub in Soho" would have Phil Tufnell shaking his arse?
Jo and Joe joint bottom is probably fair. Although Jo's foxtrot didn't make me want to put out my own eyes, the way Joe's did. And Anton and Laila top? Hmm. Nothing inspired me to vote tonight though. Will you be voting?
Do you know, I'm glad there's still tap dancing in the world. That was really great, but, I don't know, it didn't thrill me and there was a bit of a muted response in the room too. Strange.
Well, Winehouse looks... better? God I love Aliona. I don't see the point of this Dionne girl though. She looks great, she's got a nice voice. She's singing a cover... So far, so Minipops. Oh and Winehouse struggled to keep up with the cursory dance routine. Oh dear.
Ooh results! I'm guessing Craig and Jade for the bottom two. Who has actually picked up the phone and voted for Joe? Who? And why? It's not as if he's even funny! Ooh Zoe looks worried.. and they were mid-table, weren't they? Don't know if you've ever heard it said, but that's a dangerous place to be! Yay, I was slightly concerned for Natalie and Vincent so I'm glad they're through. Oh good, Zoe's through. And now Jo is through. I could be right here. Oh. Except I was wrong.
Linda and Craig. I'd say there's not much to choose between them really, but I'd have to save Linda because Craig bugs me. Do you watch the dances the second time? I usually don't bother since they're usually quite poor ones and I don't want to put myself through them again. Linda looks marginally more animated this time. She's much better than Craig. Gah! Just picked some dried Weetabix off my neck. Joe had Weetabix at 7 this morning. I've been out of the house twice! Oh. Craig's "dancing". Flavia should've sorted that facial expression out early doors. And I do love Flavia, but she does look awfully like Freddie Mercury.
Oh come on, Craig! Other Craig didn't lead! Oh come on, Bruno! Craig didn't lead! It's got to be Linda, surely. She was MUCH better than Craig! God, I actually gasped! Len's an idiot. That's a travesty! Linda was robbed!
Blimey is it only 9.20? I'm knackered. Will someone make me a cup of tea?
* My friend Susan said, "Where are you writing about Strictly this year?" and that was good enough for me!
