Keris Stainton

Collage

Well here's the finished (for now) product:

No offence, Angie and Jonathan, but I've cut your covers out of the picture cos we've already seen them. But don't worry, they're in pride of place sticking out of the top.

Working from left to right and top to bottom we have some pictures of the place I want to live (which I can't mention here because it's a (sort of) secret), a picture of a cool-looking Starbucks (cos I like to write in Starbucks) and then, in the back, an orange Fiat 500 which is my favourite car. To the right of the Canadian flag there's a book cover and a photo of a greyhound then in the middle there's a labradoodle. My dream life includes a dog, but I haven't decided whether to go for the greyhound or the labradoodle yet so I'm hedging my bets. (I imagine it's more likely to be a retired greyhound since they're free and they need love, whereas labradoodles cost £500.)

More pretty places to live then an Orla Kiely handbag (just cos I like it) and then the pictures of my mum and dad which I'm still not going to write about now, I'll write about them tomorrow.

A Jennifer Weiner cover, cover of O magazine (which I plan to write for one day), Carrie's bedroom from Sex and the City and the poster for When Harry Met Sally. What female writer doesn't fantasise about being Carrie, tapping away at the laptop waiting for Mr Big (mmm .. Mr Big) to call. And WHMS is my favourite film. The blossoms are from Japan's blossom festival, which I really want to see and then, of course, there's New York.

The cover of Lisa Jewell's Thirtynothing which made me gasp with envy the first time I saw it (and it's my favourite chick lit book too), an old-fashioned bike to ride around the small town we're going to live in, a few more covers of authors I love (Johanna Edwards, Meg Cabot, Marian Keyes), and a floral elephant just because it's cute.

The Patricia Storms illustration because it makes me happy, Key West (where I'm desperate to go), David and Harry and me and Harry (because I couldn't leave my little family off, could I?) and Avenue Q (which inspires me every time I think about it and is kind of the story of my life in puppet form).

So there you go. There's my intention. Let's see if it works.

Spaz

Is anyone good at .. um .. making stuff on computers. Hmm. What I mean is .. I'm doing one of those collage thingies where you stick up pictures of all the things you want in your life and it's supposed to help "manifest" it. Yes, I know it's all very new-agey, etc., but so many people swear by it and I'm getting desperate so I'll try anything.

Anyway, what I want is a fake book cover of my book, i.e. a cover that looks like a chick lit cover but it's called My OK! Life and written by Keris Stainton. If I was to be really fussy the "OK!" would be the OK! Magazine logo and the picture would be sort of red-carpetty/Cannes film-festivaly.

Does that make any sense? Is it even possible? Do any of you know how to do it? If you do, will you do one for me? I'll send you something really nice ... (and be your best friend).

Great Advice

From Amanda Lowe:

There are times when we have projects to do, or things that need to be organized, and there is so much to do and consider that we either end up with our heads spinning and mouths foaming, or we think ‘This is too complicated, there’s too much to think about’ and we opt to take the easy option and not do anything.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s organizing xmas, sorting out holiday plans or creating a vegetable garden, there comes a point where action is needed.

Before you lift a finger, spend a few moments sorting out a timeline. A what?

Start with where you want to end up (eg: drunk and relaxed surrounded by happy relatives and xmas presents; lying on a sun-kissed beach; digging up your first crop of carrots) then create a step-by step plan of what needs to happen immediately before that, until you get to where you are now.

Then either decide it really is too much effort, or get up off your arse and do it.

June Project of the Month

Yes, I know we're halfway through June, but I've only just remembered this. So much to do and, since I've only got ten weeks before I'm out of money, I'm going to have to do it all ...

1. YA chick lit course;
2. Research and write first freelance article (which I'm currently pitching to my coach);
3. Research second article;
4. Writers' Bureau writing course;
5. Work on My OK! Life once edit's back (should be any time now - I can't wait!).

That's all. Sigh. It's all very exciting, but I've no idea how to best organise my time. I have got an article saved somewhere on time management but, you know, I haven't got time to read it.

Crap, just remembered I've got to order curtains from Argos. Then I'm definitely going for a bath.

Aw crap!

I failed my driving test. I only got four minor faults, but I got two serious ones, ha ha.

I'm disappointed, but the major faults were both on my reverse round a corner which was an unmitigated disaster. The rest of my drive was really good and so were the other manoeuvres (reverse park, emergency stop, hill start). But the reverse round a corner. Yikes.

I was so worried about being too near to the kerb that I went wide. I mean really wide. So wide that I was probably in danger of clipping the opposite kerb. It was easily the worst one I've ever done. Worse than the very first time I did it and I didn't even know what I was doing or which way to turn the wheel. When I realised that I couldn't see the kerb (the one I was meant to be staying near) in my wing mirror, I knew I was in trouble.

So then I tried to reverse closer. I looked up and thought - hmmm, I'm on the wrong side of the road, that can't be good - then I carried on reversing staring wildly into the wing mirror. And then the instructor said, 'You'll have to stop there. You're an idiot.' He didn't really. He said, 'You'll have to stop there, there's a car behind you'. Which I hadn't noticed because I was staring into the wing mirror desperately trying to see the distant kerb.

I suspected (quite strongly) that I'd failed there and then. But then as I was driving around I thought maybe you get another chance. Maybe if my next manoeuvre is good he'll let me off that one. But no.

It's annoying that I've got to pay for more lessons and there'll be another �80 for another test, but I'm glad that I've got the new instructor who I love. I'm sure he'll be able to sort my reverse out for the next time. Also, I'm sort of glad that I've done it cos I won't be so nervous next time (I don't think). Since I was young, I've always had taking your driving test in mind as a huge scary thing. Well, it wasn't so scary after all. And it was only half an hour. So. Onwards! (Not backwards.)

May

I've got a lot going on this month. A lot. And a few things that I've been meaning to blog about for a bit now. So.

Monday I've got my driving test. The instructor I've had for the past five months just left last week due to ill health. The new instructor is absolutely brilliant. I really enjoy my lessons now. It's annoying to think that if I'd had this guy all along I could've been enjoying my lessons instead of dreading them, but I'm just grateful I got him at all. (And sorry that it took the other guy's illness to do it. Obviously.) Anyway, the old instructor was confident about my test and pooh poohed me whenever I expressed any doubts. The new guy - not so much.

He keeps saying things like 'I hope you do pass ... but if you don't ...' and yesterday 'I don't want you to think that you're a bad driver ...'. The funny thing is I'm actually a much better driver for having two lessons with him. And I'm more confident about my test even though this guy obviously thinks I'm going to fail. And I might fail. And if I do, that's okay too (except financially, but whatever). I'm looking forward to the test in a funny way, because then it'll be over. Unless I fail. In which case I'll have a whole new date to dread. Wish me luck. Think happy thoughts. Stay off the roads.

Then the following week is the run. I'm not going to write about it here, because I'm writing about it there but I'll be glad when that's over too (and then I'll have the Race For Life to .. erm, look forward to).

Then I'm going to London. Yes! I can't remember the last time I went to London and I'm actually getting quite excited. I loved it so much before I lived there and then, even though I got sick of living there, I never got sick of London. And I'm going on my own so I get five hours on a train (there and back and excluding delays - who knows, I might have ten hours on a train) to just sit and read. Bliss. And I'm staying in a hotel on my own. I'm not sure I've ever done that before. I certainly can't remember doing it. Alone in a hotel room being able to do whatever I want was my post-baby fantasy, so I'm excited.

I'm going there to meet my life coach. Yep, that's the other thing I haven't mentioned. I've got a life coach. Yeah, yeah, snigger all you like, but she's been absolutely brilliant. I've only been working with her for a couple of weeks and very exciting things are happening. Writing-related things. That's going to be my project for next month to overhaul the writing page of this site. It's the page I update the least which is ridiculous since writing is the most important thing to me. And then I want to overhaul the whole site. Well, not overhaul, cos I like it as it is. What I want is a front page so that you don't come straight into the blog. But last time I tried to do that it was a disaster. I'm not sure exactly what I want it to look like so I'll have to do some research. If anyone's really good at websites and you don't mind helping (only a little bit) can you let me know (don't worry Jon, I have many questions for you, my guru). Thanks.

And then, on the 25th, it's my birthday. My sister says it's nothing to celebrate cos it just means I'm closer to death. But, you know, I'll only be two weeks closer to death than I am now and I'll have presents, so I'm not bovvered.

More later, including (hopefully) some good news and a few good photos.

May Project of the Month

Do you remember what I said I'd do for April? No? Good, because I haven't done any of it.

I wanted to get My OK! Life to 60,000 words. I got it to 56,700 and wigged out a bit, so I've sent it off for a paid edit to hopefully get it moving again. The edit will take two to four weeks, so I'm off the hook for the next couple of weeks.

I also said I'd write another 6,000 words of the YA project, but I've spent most of April fretting about My OK! Life and haven't touched it. So, since My OK! Life's out of the picture for May I plan to focus on it now.

I also said I'd decorate the spare room. Well I've done half of it. If I ever get round to it I'll post before and during pictures. I've done the top half (above the so-called dado rail) so for May I plan to at the very least do the bottom half (under the so-called dado rail). It's going to be chocolate brown. It's going to be lovely! And I suppose I could hang some pictures on the top half (to hide the bits that need another coat of paint which I can't be bothered to do). Yay!

Aw, crap. I just remembered I should probably paint the so-called dado rail and weird wooden shelf thingy which boxes in the plumbing to the bathroom before I do the bottom half. So I'll try and do that too. But that's a lot of work (involving "sugar soap" and "primer" and "sandpaper" and other technical stuff) so I'm not making any promises.

Argh! Too. Much. To. Do.

Do you know when you've got so much to do that you ... don't do anything. I keep sitting down in front of the computer with a list of things I absolutely must do and then I spend the next two hours randomly surfing the internet and obsessively checking my e-mails. Pah.

I have taken the photo of my lovely new bag, but I haven't uploaded it yet. Oh and I didn't tell you about the celebrity-spotting, did I? Well, me and Leanne (my sister) had just come out of World of Disney on Fifth Avenue (what? we've both got kids) and we were standing studying a map when who should come around the corner but Paul McCartney. Yes! Paul McCartney. And his lovely (if mental - allegedly) wife Heather and their little daugher Beatrice (I believe).

Leanne and I stared at him like the pair of slack-jawed yokels we are and he obviously clocked us and muttered something to the missus. "Look at that pair of idiots" probably. They looked like a very happy family, I have to say. And he looked well, though his hair is a little mauve for a man of his age (or any age, actually).

And then - then! - we were in a cab at the lights and we were looking out of the window at this bulldog and who should be at the other end of its lead but John Malkovich. Fancy that!

I just read an excellent piece of wisdom from the god that is Barry Manilow. "Replace 'have to' with 'get to'. As in, 'I get to go to the doctor tomorrow' instead of 'I have to go to the doctor tomorrow'. It'll change your life." I'm not sure that would work for me where my doctor's concerned - he's useless, but I think it's great advice for other situations. I'm going to use it for running, writing and driving lessons. Ah, Barry. Not just a funny face.

Also. Do you ever hear or read about someone and they inspire you to do better in life? And do you ever hear or read about someone and they're so brilliant and talented and accomplished it makes you want to kill yourself? Well, Pamela Ribon has just had that effect on me. I've been reading the write-ups of the Gilmore Girls* on TWOP and saw that a lot of them were written by "Pamie". They were funny so I clicked on the link. Big mistake. Bloody super-talented, non-procrastinators make me sick!

* I missed yesterday's because instead of setting the video from 8.55 to 10.05, I set it from 9.55 to 10.05 and got ten minutes of adverts. Curses.

Finally!

Here is the pic of me with the thingummy I built for Harry's room. Only two weeks late! It's purty, isn't it. I look a little bit mental, but electric screwdrivers have that effect on me.

Project of the Month - April

Still haven't got the photos sorted, but I will. Eventually.

April's projects are:

Get My OK! Life to 60,000 words.

Write another 6,000 words of YA project (and find out the average word count for a YA novel).

Decorate office/spare room (argh!).

PJs!

Here (as promised - I know you've been looking forward to it!) is me with my blanket and my manuscript. And, yes, in my PJs.

Couple of things to mention. Yes, the blanket is just a glorified square scarf, but it's the first thing I've ever knitted so I'm proud of it, okay? And, no, we didn't choose that wallpaper, it was here when we moved in and we'll be changing it as soon as we can afford to (hopefully this millennium ...).
 

The New Year Project (Feb/March)

Remember last month when I posted about having a project to do each month and then posting the picture of the completed project and everyone cheering me through the blogosphere? No? Well I did. And I planned to write 28,000 words of my new YA book; finish editing Be My Baby; and sew together the blanket squares I knitted when I was pregnant.

Well. The YA project died a bit of a death. I've written 6,000 words. Which is actually pretty great (but it's not 28,000). I've finished the first edit of Be My Baby, which is now called My OK! Life. And I'm sewing the blanket right now. Well, in between waiting for pages to load, watching Location, Location, Location, etc.

So later on I'll take the pic of me (in my PJs, probably) with the book and the blanket and I'll post it tomorrow.

For March the plan is to complete NaNoEdMo (50 hours of editing of My OK! Life); at least another 6,000 words of the YA book; and to "build" the unit I bought about two months ago for Harry's bedroom.

Anyone know where I can milk a cow?

I've just read an article that claims that you can lose weight simply by doing something different every day. Not eating something different. And not even doing a different kind of exercise. Just doing something - anything - different. I know! Apparently the change doesn't even need to be big - simply switching from Capital radio to Kiss FM will do apparently.

Fifty five people who followed this advice from diet fairy Professor Ben Fletcher (diet fairy?) lost an average of 11lb each in four months; some lost almost three stone in a year. The secret lies in breaking free of routine.

That's what appeals to me about it actually - yeah, losing weight would be a bonus - but I think doing something different every day is a great way to live in itself.

I've got a fabulously mad book called The Wish List which claims to be "a wellspring of 6,000 ideas for things to do, see, taste, learn, and experience". For example:

summer at a villa in Tuscany
learn to draw
skinny-dip under a waterfall
volunteer at the local soup kitchen
see a mountain gorilla in the wild
meet the Dalai Lama
work for someone you've always admired*
write a love poem
watch the sun set over Machu Picchu
solve a mystery
take the road less traveled

I've just bought another book by the same author (called Instant Karma) which has some excellent suggestions like:

enjoy a cup of tea on the front steps in the sunshine
write a fan letter to your favourite living author
do a laughing meditation
bounce on a small trampoline
take the dog for a swim**

I'll keep you updated if I manage to do any of them. I'll just have a look at the first thing in each book (I'll start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start):

The Wish List: try everything once (oh, that's a great help)
Instant Karma: wait for a door to be unlocked instead of trying to break it down (???)

All suggestions gratefully received!

* Ooh, I've done that one!
** Note to self: buy dog

The New Year Project (a bit late ...)

Got this from 52 Projects, a really inspiring site which I would refer to more often if I actually had the time to start any more new 'projects'. Anyway:

Take a picture of yourself at the beginning of every month. Tape the picture into a journal, and then write down all the projects you have started, completed, want to complete, or have ideas for during that particular month. As the months go by and the pictures and entries
begin to build, you will have a record of your progress with your
projects. In the pictures, include completed or in-process projects.

I'm going to post it the last day of each month for the month ahead.
So here I am:



Projects for February:

1. Finish editing Be My Baby.
2. Write 1,000 words per day, i.e. 28,000 words by the end of the month, of the new, as yet untitled YA book.
3. Sew Harry's blanket together.

Three's plenty, I think.

Resolutions Schmesolutions

I don't believe in resolutions. Well, I do, but I believe in making them all the time and not just on the first day of the year. So here're the Top 5 boring ones (usually annually recurrent ...):

1. Drink more water.
2. Eat more fruit and veg.
3. Exercise more (preferably in the fresh air).
4. Relax more.
5. Spend more time with friends.

Goals for the year:

1. Finish Be My Baby
2. Go to Canada (for a holiday).
3. Pass my driving test.
4. Write every day.
4. Be nice to myself.

I just got this from Amanda Lowe - perfect!

"A new year and it's the same old you. You can make all the resolutions you like, but it won't change the essence of what is you, and what makes you fantastic, wonderful and magnificent.

Make your resolutions, and when your resolve starts to crumble, don't feel bad, or beat yourself up (or spit at your friends who are still being irritatingly sanctimonious), simply remind yourself that you are an amazing person. If you're not sure, ask someone who knows you. Ask them: 'What's wonderful about me?' They might think you're a bit mad, but they'll tell you."

Ambitions

Oh and meet George Michael. And George Clooney. And Barry Manilow.

Goal-setting

One of the things you'll notice about this "new" "improved" blog is that it's going to be a bit more personal than it was before.  I did have another, separate, blog that was more personal, but I can't be bothered keeping them all up, so I'll be adding that kind of stuff here too.  Starting now!

I subscribed recently to a "goal-setting" e-mail thingy and I had to write a list of my goals.  There were a lot.  I mean A LOT.  Anyway, thought I'd post them here for posterity.  So, in no particular order, take a deep breath ...

... deliver a healthy baby  write a novel and have it published  have a job that I love and that inspires me every day  live in Canada  see the Northern Lights  see orcas in the wild  enjoy every single day  go to the Oscars  walk the Great Wall of China  have a long and happy marriage  own a house  own a Fiat 500 (preferably 1971)  run the New York marathon (don't laugh)  travel around the world  sky-surf  live in SLO  walk the Sydney Harbour Bridge  live on the beach  live on a boat  have great friends  stay on a dude ranch  live in New York  see a panda in the wild  go on safari  go to Antartica  write a travel book  go back to Sorrento ... and Malta  cross Canada by train and visit Winnipeg  swim with dolphins ... and manatees  see the sunset in Key West  ride a fanboat in the Everglades  be at the finish line at the Tour de France  meet Oprah  see the butterflies in Costa Rica  travel on the Orient Express  kayak with whales in Vancouver  see the Northern Lights  ride in a hot-air balloon ...

That enough for you?

Zombies

Feeling fed up today.  Could be hormonal or it could be that yesterday I realised that Shaun of the Dead could be real.  Every now and then I have these flashes of realisation about this country.  The worst was when we first came back from America in 2001.  In three months we'd got used to the positivity and optimism of the people over there and then we returned to find the usual "mustn't grumble" attitude that drives me insane! 

I've probably mentioned this before, but I read a letter in a newspaper once about a woman who'd had plastic surgery to look like Queen Nefertiti and someone had written in to say "well, it may have been her lifelong dream to look like Queen Nefertiti, but if we all followed our dreams where would we be?"  Argh! 

Anyway, yesterday on the way to work we started joking about how everyone we saw looked like they could be a zombie.  Everyone seemed to be walking incredibly slowly, hunched over, with looks of abject misery or boredom on their faces.  Yes it was raining, but it was also Friday.  The first few we saw were funny, but after half an hour of not seeing one single person who looked happy to be alive, I got depressed. 

We all have bad days.  And we're all guilty of not appreciating what we have.  But if you're that unhappy, do something about it!  Think about what you did yesterday.  Do you want to be doing that every day for the rest of your life?!  I know I don't. 

I just wish I knew what I could do instead.