Swinging

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I'd read you shouldn't use "can't afford" - well, I found the quote, it's from the Changing Course newsletter:

Then I remembered some advice I read that said you should never say "I can't afford it" to anything. You can say, "That's interesting, but it's not for me," or you can say, "Where do I sign up!" or you can say, "I can't swing it right now." But when you say "I can't afford it" unconsciously you're telling yourself that you not only don't have the money right now but that you never will.

You might not be ready yet to imagine yourself making a million dollars. And you may not be in a position to give away thousands of dollars. But that doesn't mean you can't change your thinking in small but important ways.

This is particularly relevant to us at the moment because, although I'm trying to focus on *having* money rather than, you know, *not* having any, we've got a number of expenses coming up in the next couple of weeks and we just can't swing all of them. I know this because I did a budget. Isn't it startling when you realise exactly where all your money goes - clue: house - and exactly how little is left over?

I'm struggling a bit to get David to understand this. Like a lot of men, if my friends and family are anything to go by, David seems to think that if he wants something the money will be there. While that's a healthier attitude than my own (clinging to the money like I'm about to step out of a plane and it's a parachute), the fact is that we can't swing everything. And when we try, we end up struggling on about £20 for the last two weeks of the month.

That's something I've learned particularly this money month - when we get paid, we go "Wa-hey!" and go on a spree. Not, you know, Coleen McLoughlin's idea of a spree, since often it just means paying bills we should have paid earlier but couldn't "swing" - taking David's parents out for a meal to thank them for all the stuff they do for us, buying Harry yet another Thomas the Tank Engine train (this month: Murdoch), and getting a takeaway - but a week's worth of spending, all the same. And then we're skint again. So we get one week of living it (relatively) large and three weeks of belts so tight we're at risk of cutting ourselves in two. This has to stop.

Comments

[maz]

Well, that's really interesting but I'd really know how anyone controls their brain in that way. I mean, even if you manage to never say 'can't afford' to yourself, doesn't the 'you can't afford it love' aspect just pop into your mind, uninvited, well before that point? So the thought has been and gone before you've even had time to process it. I don't really believe that one's mind can be strictly controlled - or maybe it's just my mind that's uncontrollable? I've never had enough money and I'm old enough to have accumulated masses but I think I'm worse off now than I've ever been. Was it better in the days of haggling - "you sew my clothes and I'll give you food" kind of thing? On the bright side, you have a house which could be sold in desperate times (but maybe wait until things pick up a bit, eh?), two incomes, you're all healthy, AND - you've been to New York! What more could anyone wish for? On the morbid side, I've been noticing a lot of newspaper obituaries recently have featured people my age, or even younger, and it's made me realise that I'm more than lucky to actually still be here. Bu**er the money! (Oh! Pardon my 'French'!!)

[Michelle]

I was feeling really helpless and lost until we made up our finances spreadsheet. On excel, we've got detailed spreadsheets of where our money is going every month.. what's coming in, what's going out. It's no less depressing to see that ALL the money is going out, but it did make feel better knowing where it all was. And sticking to a budget is hard :(

[Keris]

I've noticed that I feel helpless and panicky unless I check the bank account every day. Eve if the money's pouring out, I feel better knowing about it.

Maz, I agree - I don't think you can police your thoughts, but now if I think "I can't afford it" I then immediately think, "No, it's not that I can't afford it, I've just chosen to spend my money on other things" and it actually does make me feel better. I get the panicky feeling with the "can't afford it" and then feel more relaxed with the next thought.

"On the bright side, you have a house which could be sold ... two incomes, you're all healthy, AND - you've been to New York!"

Exactly! So when I say I can't afford something - that's not even true, is it.

"Was it better in the days of haggling - "you sew my clothes and I'll give you food" kind of thing?"

Well the thing that I'm learning about money is that that's all it is. It's the same thing really, just rather than "I'll write this for you and you mow my lawn/make me a casserole/do the washing up" it's "I'll write this for you and you give me this paper stuff which, if I wished, I could use to get someone else to mow my lawn/make me a casserole/do the washing up".

I think part of the problem is that we give the idea of money too much power, when it's really just a voucher for stuff!

[maz]

Well, it's only money. And it's only life, too. My mum was fond of saying there were no pockets in a shroud. (Unfortunately I sometimes took that to mean spend, spend, spend! I always panic when a bank statement comes and used to stockpile them, unopened, in a drawer. I'm not that much better off now but I do open them because
when I stockpiled them, sometimes mistakes had occurred which I couldn't rectify straight away. Now I know exactly what I owe - I don't like it but at least, as you say, it's better to know. And every time I've asked my bank for my money back when they've made a charge, they've returned it. So that's a good tip to anyone really. Always ask. Even if they don't give, you've lost nothing but they usually do return it.