keris stainton

I don't really know Adrian Grenier...

... but I *heart* him.

Entourage is one of those shows I've been meaning to watch, but thanks to it being shown so, so late, I haven't managed to catch.*

But I read an interview with Adrian Grenier in the Guardian and, in response to this question - What do you think of the portrayal of women in the show? - he replied:

"I'm a feminist, so if there was anything that was untrue I would be on it."

Truly in a world where women won't admit to being feminists, a feminist man is a good man indeed.

*While I'm on the subject, why on earth is E4 showing the new series of Brothers & Sisters at 11pm? Why?

Ginger Ted

I still have two toys from when I was a baby. One - Pink Dog - is a pink dog I got on, I think, the day I was born. The other - Ginger Ted - is a ginger teddy that I received, I believe, for my first birthday (he used to wear a bib and he apparently came with his own high chair. (My parents clearly weren't very creative with naming my toys - I'm lucky I'm not going through life called "Fat Baby".)

A while ago, I drew a picture of Ginger Ted. Since I'm clearing out this house I'm throwing the picture away, but first, of course, I scanned it in.

March Madness conclusion

Well I failed miserably at updating every day, didn't I? But we would all have been so bored if I had.

As an experiment it's been incredibly successful and informative. In my opinion anyway (which, let's face it, is the one that matters!). Although I haven't managed to do everything I planned to do. Let's see.

Drink two litres of water per day.

Yes. I've found this surprisingly easy plus it's made a massive difference to the way I look and feel and to the ease with which I get up in the mornings so I'll definitely be keeping it up.

Eat five portions of fruit or vegetables per day.

I've managed this on most days - at least on days when we've had fruit and veg in. Easier than I thought it would be: berries with breakfast, some sort of veg/salad with lunch and dinner, plus a mid-afternoon fruit snack and a fruity dessert in the evening. Again, I noticed the difference to my skin, hair and energy levels, so I'll be keeping this up.

Meditate every day (for a minimum of five minutes).

Once. Once I managed to meditate. I may have to give up on this as something that's ever going to fit into my life. I do love the Meditainment guided meditations, but I can't access them because the US site doesn't accept my crappy UK card. Also, they're pretty long so they'd need to be a once a weekly indulgence, rather than a daily essential.

Exercise every day (minimum 20 minute walk)

Um. Kind of. I did well for the first couple of weeks, but then the pox and the cough kicked in and so ... not so much the last two weeks. I've been doing Diva Yoga whenever I get the chance and I love it (although having Harry hanging off me tempers the relaxation aspect somewhat). I'll keep up the yoga, but I definitely need to do the 20 minute walk every day too.

Drink no more than three cups of tea (my drug of choice) per day.

This has really surprised me because I haven't missed tea at all. I've been drinking more fruit and herbal tea, but some days I haven't even had three cups. I think I'll probably try and cut it down to two in April.

Avoid crap chocolate, i.e. I can eat "good" dark chocolate in small amounts, but no Mars/Cadburys, etc. 

Again, surprisingly easy and I'll definitely be keeping off it. Yes, there was the Toblerone frenzy, the Lindt bunny and a Maltesers Easter egg I haven't told you about (have you tasted the Maltesers eggs? Gorgeous!), but apart from that...

Floss!

Like exercise - managed it for the first couple of weeks then ran out of floss and never got around to replacing it. Think I will though. Didn't notice any difference, but it wasn't too much trouble and I know it's good for me...

Have more sex.

Yep. :) Will also be keeping this, um, up.

I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full and eat more consciously.

Ha ha ha ha ha. No. Not at all. One for April, I think (and, you know, the rest of my life). Funnily enough, this was a lot easier on days when I'd drunk enough water, eaten the fruit and veg and avoided sugar, so I know a lot of it is blood sugar related, so that's something to work on.

Computer off at 7pm at the latest. No exceptions.

Hmm. Well, Harry being off school and so clingy put a bit of a spanner in this one (yeah, I know I said "no exceptions" but I hadn't predicted the pox!), but I've certainly managed it I'd guess 75% of the time. And it's been brilliant. I'm going to pull it back to 6pm for April.

Thanks for all your encouragement. I've got another project for April so stay tuned! (Don't worry, I'll try and keep up the regular blogging in case you're already bored with my "projects".)

Er, thanks...

You know when you're working away and you're in a world of your own and then your lovely son comes up and he's saying something and holding something out to you and you're concentrating so you just say something like "That's nice" without actually listening or looking?

And then your lovely son keeps saying it so you have to pay attention and that's when you find he's saying, "Look! A chicken pox!" and holding out a tiny scab?

Yeah, I hate it when that happens.

Is there MSG in Thai food?

Cos I'm up at 2am!

I woke up with this mad buzzing feeling (it literally felt like a phone on vibrate in my pocket, but I didn't even have a pocket, let alone a phone) and then got the fluttering eyes sensation I usually associate with MSG (I want to close my eyes, but when I do they flicker and flutter and pop right back open again). I checked for the other reason I sometimes find myself up at stupid o'clock and it's not that and then I started thinking about the Sophie Lancaster murder and I just had to get up.

Then there's also the fact that I guess if a toddler coughs directly in your face enough, you might end up catching that cough yourself.*

So the final Sex and the City is on, I've made myself a cup of herbal tea and here we are.

How've you been?

I also managed to buy a new keyboard and it's blissful. Of course, it's a Microsoft keyboard that works perfectly (except I can't cut and paste) and cost just £20. If I'd bought this when my Apple keyboard broke (instead of assuming that I needed an Apple keyboard) then my Alphie would still be alive. Poor Alphie. I loved you. But I feel like I'm going to love your replacement (soon, my pretty...) even more.

* I took Harry to the docs yesterday - did I mention he's burst a blood vessel in his eye with the coughing? - it's pox related, but there's no infection so he's just on a couple of meds which seem to be making him sleep, sleep, sleep. So given the first chance for a full night's sleep in over a week ... here I am. Sigh.

Is anyone watching Oprah?

It's freaking amazing!

More later...

Okay, so this guy was on. He's blind, but finds his way around using echolocation, which is "the ability of humans to sense objects in their environment by hearing echoes from those objects". And you know who else uses it? Dolphins. Amazing

In fact, I think it might be the most amazing thing I've heard of since "Synesthesia" the ability to see feelings and sounds as colours. (Apparently it's why Stevie Wonder is such a musical genius - he sees the music as colours and shapes and fits them together to make beautiful music.)

Back...later?

Now.Ive.got.the.time.but.I.havent.got.a.working.keyboard.

Luckily.thanks.to.our.laziness.we.hadnt.yet.thrown.out.the.knackered.Apple.keyboard.because.
Harrys.first.act.of.the.day.was.knocking.a.glass.of.water.over.my.Alphie.

I.hope.itll.be.okay.when.it.dries.

We.will.see.

If.nothing.else.I.will.be.able.to.upload.some.pox.pics!

So.dont.go.away!

Back ... soon

Sorry I haven't been around, I've had billing issues (in that I hadn't paid the bill).

I have now (obviously), but Harry's rather poorly (his pox is much better but he's got a horrible cough and he's extra-clingy - which is saying something - so I'll try and update later (but I've got work to do and when I manage to prise Harry off me, I'll be doing that.

Whaa?

Suzanne Shaw was (inexplicably) asked which of the two US Presidential candidates she preferred.

She replied: “I’m going to be honest. I’ve never heard either of these names before.”

Doesn't that beggar belief? I mean, I get that some people aren't interested in politics. But that surely means she hasn't read a newspaper, watched the news or looked at a news website for - what? - three months? Six months? And that's just in connection with their current candidacy. She's never heard of Hillary Clinton? Seriously?

Having said that, the woman can skate. And fly.

Dancing With the Stars

First review up on TV Scoop this morning. Priscilla Presley stunned me (in a good way). Look:

How Juno can help you be a better writer*

I'm only part of the way through this article ("Juno's Secondary Characters") on Writing for Performance, but I had to stop and share this bit of dialogue:

JUNO: So, who's ready for some photomagnificence?

GIRL LAB PARTNER: I have a menstrual migraine, and I can't look at bright lights today.

GUY LAB PARTNER: Amanda, I told you to go to the infirmary and lie down. You never listen.

GIRL LAB PARTNER: No Josh, I don't take orders.  Not from you and not from any man.

That makes me so happy, I can't even tell you.

* Yes, this means I can buy the DVD and write it off against tax. Yay!

March Madness update 8

Okay, so yesterday not only did I fall off the wagon, the wagon then ran over me. Yes, I only had two cups of tea, but I don't think I had two litres of water and I didn't have any fruit or vegetables at all. Unless the tomato sauce on a pizza counts. Does that count? I also ate two (small) Toblerones and left a Lindt bunny with no ears and a very startled look on its face.

Why? Well first of all there was the fact that I spent the day running around like a mad thing and looking after a sorry-for-himself 3-year-old. But that's no excuse (it was just a lot easier to shove a Toblerone into my craw than to actually make breakfast). There was also the distinct lack of provisions in the house because although I finally got paid (woo-hoo!), I couldn't go to the supermarket thanks to the pox. Oh and there's a reason they call Cadbury's "crackbury's" - once I'd started the day with a Toblerone, the rest was inevitable.

But it's all good. Why?

Because I feel like shit. Now I know most of you will probably have worked this out before the advanced age of 36, but although I knew that eating well would make me feel better and eating badly worse, I always thought of it as a long-term thing, not an instant thing. But last night as I lay awake in bed with Harry, I had time to contemplate that my stomach was dodgy, my head felt fuzzy, my mouth was gloopy and my joints were aching. Specifically my hands, which have given me so many problems in the last few years. In the last few weeks? Not so much. Could the problem have been sugar all along? Why yes, I believe it could.

So this morning I dragged myself out of bed - and I do mean dragged, Harry was so exhausted, but equally so determined to get up, that he had to have a little nap on the landing before tackling the stairs, and he slept way more than me - and was determined to go back to healthy ways today. And that's the difference. Usually, if I feel like this I'd be having toast for breakfast and countless cups of tea to get me back up to speed. Thanks to "March Madness" I know that's just going to make me feel worse. And so I've had Special K with blueberries and water.

Yes, it is bleedin' obvious, I know. But it's taken me 36 years to work it out.

Mary Oliver poems

I mentioned Mary Oliver poems in my inspiration list. I haven't read many of them, but those I have, I love.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

The Summer Day

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

But especially The Journey. You can read it in full here, but it's the first two lines that thrill me:

One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began

Chicken or small?

Harry's got the pox. Chicken pox. We knew it was coming since the first case at preschool was before half term (i.e. weeks ago), but he seemed to be holding out.

Yesterday I noticed three tiny red pimples on his face. I took him in to school and asked what they thought and they said they didn't look like pox, so he stayed. When I picked him up, they pointed out another one on the back of his neck. Last night in bed he was scratching away at his head and his ear.

This morning there's one more on his neck and one in his hair, but the three on his face are gone. So he's got three, um, poks*. Three's enough. This epidemic began with just three poks - the mum of the little girl who was first down admitted to me that they'd taken her in to preschool even though they knew about the pox because her husband said he couldn't cope with looking after two kids. For one morning. Sigh.

He's fine in himself, a little whingy, but mostly fine. And I'm glad he's getting it out of the way. Of course it will be his first "proper" illness so I might wig out a bit. (I already have - I've just eaten a Toblerone for breakfast. Chocolate - the first resort of the neurotic...)

*surely the singular? Like "Twik" and "Weetabik" (both coined by my nephew, Toby).

 

Anyway, it's not all doom because it gives me a chance to quote my favourite ever Friends episode, from which the title of this post comes.

RYAN (played, brilliantly, by Charlie Sheen): Hey baby, I'm back... [Phoebe is sitting by the window in a veil.]

PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?

RYAN: What's goin' on?

PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.

RYAN: Chicken or small?

PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.

RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed?

PHOEBE: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, 'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.

RYAN: I'm sorry, I never had 'em.

PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.

RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.

PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.

RYAN: Can I please see your face?

PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.

RYAN: Your face could be covered with lox, I wouldn't care.

PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary!

RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate coincidence. You look lovely, lovely.

PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.

RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]

PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had.

[Source]

March Madness update 7

I know I haven't updated, but things happen. I fell off the wagon a bit last week, but I'm pretty much back on it now.

I know this isn't news, but it's a lot easier to eat and be healthy when you've got the time and money to do it! I'm struggling with the fruit and veg, because we just haven't got any, but I'm doing well with the tea and water.

I've lost another three quarters of a pound - woo! I think, anyway. It's now *cough* stone and 3.75lbs. (That's one good thing about the Very Expensive Scales, they measure in quarter lbs.) I'm happy with that because I didn't get so much exercise done in the past week.

One amazing thing - and I know this isn't going to be news to most people, but it was kind of news to me - on Sunday I had crappy food: a cooked breakfast and a Chinese for dinner, and on Monday morning when I woke up I could feel it. I could feel the difference. So I lay there like a berk thinking "Ah, so what I eat actually affects the way I feel ... interesting."

I've also found that this challenge is helping me make better choices. In fact, not just that, it's making me *want* to make better choices. So I think "Hmm, I'll make a cup of tea and eat some biscuits" and then I think "Oh no, I haven't had enough water or fruit, so I'll have a glass of water and a banana instead." And it's given me the feeling I've been striving for, which is that making that choice feels like a positive thing rather than deprivation. Amazing.

Yesterday...

I can't say too much about it - a) because I don't want to jinx it, and b) because the two lovely women I met have threatened to read my blog today to see what I say about them, so if I'm a bit bashful and self-conscious for a little while, that's why. (Don't worry I'll be back to talking about poo* and Dancing With the Stars - it's back on Good Friday! - in no time...) (*not really.)

All I'll say is that it went much better than I expected and I'm cautiously ... completely overexcited.

Before the meeting I met up with Emily and she was just as lovely as expected. I still haven't met any nutters via t'internet. One of you must be a nutter! Who is it? (Is it you, Jonathan?)

Afterwards I popped in to see my friend Jo who I haven't seen since the last time I was in London for an exciting meeting. (And I was wearing the same skirt. I'm such a fashionista.)

Then I picked up some Krispy Kremes (oh, Krispy Kremes, when will you come up north?) and got back on the train.

When I got home, David had bought me a bottle of my favourite red wine and a bar of good dark chocolate.

A lovely day all round.

Interlude

I'm in London for the day for a (potentially very) exciting meeting. Eep. While I'm away, please enjoy this video of Stephen Colbert's Ellen dance...

March Madness update 6

Yesterday I had four cups of tea. On Monday mornings I'm doing this parenting course (long story) and then I went to a friend's for lunch. Many teas were offered. Many teas were accepted. But then I didn't have any more for the rest of the day, which is so unlike me. The funny thing is, I felt kind of jittery after the four teas. Four teas make me jittery? Surely there's minimal caffeine in four cups of tea?

On the upside, I drank my water and had tons of fruit and veg. Lunch with my friend involved melon, salad, beetroot and pineapple (in the cottage cheese - yes, she's on a diet). David made his delicious curry for dinner and that featured courgette, sweet potato, peppers and aubergine.

I exercised, but didn't manage to meditate. I'm going to have to make sure I do it early in the day or apparently it doesn't get done.

Oh and flossing with the stupid teeny toothbrushes is ridiculous. I finally worked out that I'm not supposed to drag them down between my teeth like floss, but poke them through the gap at the gum. But some of my teeth don't have gaps at the gum! I much prefer floss.

Gaygle

Harry keeps changing my Google homepage header to this:

Do you think that means he's gay? ;)

March Madness update 5

Yesterday went marginally better than Saturday ... except that I had one extra cup of tea. Between Amazon and the Torvill and Dean people I really needed it.

No meditation or exercise of course. And those of you who received emails from me around 9.30 last night will know that I didn't manage to leave the computer at 7pm either, but we were watching Man Stroke Woman and it kept buffering so what was I supposed to do? Just sit there? Talk to David? Pah.

Anyway, I got weighed this morning and my Very Expensive and Intelligent Scales said I'd lost 3 stone and needed to gain a stone to be back within the healthy range for my height. Despite my dedication to health over (most of) the past week, I thought this unlikely so I moved the scales into Harry's room, tried again and discovered that I've lost in the region of 2lbs in the past week. I think it might actually be 2.5lbs, but since I can't remember what I weighed last week, that's probably wishful thinking. (The stupid Very Expensive and Intelligent Scales were supposed to do the remembering for me! Pah!) (In case they fail next week too, this week I weighed *mumble* stone 4.5lbs.)

If you can't say anything nice...

I've been called "heartless", "nuts", "stupid", "pathetic", "rude", "deprived", "inanimate", "a lost cause" and an "idiot" by incensed Torvill & Dean fans.

That's not a sentence I ever thought I'd type.

I particularly like the irony of the following comment:

"if you dont have anything nice to say, refrain from opening your gob and talking absolute crap. jayne and chris are the best ice dancers on the planet and people like you make me sick."

March Madness update 4

When I said "every day" obviously I meant every weekday since weekends are a bust around here. Friday was fine (except I fell off the chocolate wagon - long story - but I had a Ripple and I didn't even enjoy it, they're very "cloying" aren't they?) and yesterday I managed the tea, water, and flossing, but we didn't have enough fruit and veg for me to get 5 (I got 4) and I forgot the no computer rule and, after we'd watched a film on the computer, clicked over to Amazon to finish an order I'd placed earlier in the day.

Just to set the scene, I'm currently waiting for a couple of payments and so we are skint. Like £50 in the bank until I get paid (and who knows when that will be) skint. But I had a £40 Amazon gift certificate, which I decided to use to cheer myself up.

After a lot of fussing and price comparisons, etc., I had a basket full of inspiring, exciting books and one utterly fabulous DVD that I used to have but loaned to someone who never returned it. I added my gift certificate. I ticked a little box that said I wanted to apply the gift certificate to my order, clicked order and then read the little message that said "Your order has been charged to your debit card". After doing one of Monica's "Noooooooooo!" screams, I logged on to my bank account to find that, yes, Amazon had taken £40 and we now have £10 to last us until I get paid (and who knows when that will be).

After a little cry on David's shoulder, I sent Amazon a furious email. They replied with "We apologise for any inconvenience caused" and told me that gift certificates can't be applied against Marketplace orders. "Wouldn't it be a good idea to tell people that before they place an order?" I asked. "Yes, it would. We will consider doing so in future," they replied.

What was my point? I'm not sure I had one. I think I may have just wanted to rant about Amazon. But then again, this may serve as a heads-up that until I get paid (and who knows when that will be), when things run out they won't be replaced and that will impact on March Madness. Already I've flossed my last, but I've still got those tiny leetle interdental toothbrush thingies the dentist sold me last time I went, so they'll do to be going on with.

Frankly it's a good job I'm off the chocolate (and can't afford to buy any anyway), because it's times like this I could merrily eat myself into a sugar stupor.

On the plus side, physically I still feel great and I'm finding it much easier both to get up in the mornings and to bounce wildly on Harry's bed singing, "Maisy! Maisy! Maisy, Maisy, Maisy. Maisy! Maisy! Maisy, Maisy Mouse. Maisy, Maisy Mouse." With Harry, I mean, not on my own.

The end

I found this on Flickr. Basically a (huge) collection of the end, um, pages (?) of films. Pretty.

March Madness update 3

All done yesterday! Fruit and veg, yep. Water, yep. Tea, yep. No chocolate, yep (incidentally, I haven't had *any* chocolate, not just no crap chocolate). Meditation, yep. Exercise, yep.

But do I feel any better?

Actually, I do! I really do! I feel more awake and energetic. I mean, I'm not leaping up the stairs two at a time, but I'm no longer crawling up them on my hands and knees! And my skin looks better too! It really does!

Do you know, I'm starting to think there might be something in this healthy eating/drinking malarkey after all...

Go and buy this book!

My lovely, lovely friend Luisa's fabulous first book is out today and you should all go and buy it immediately.

I'm not just saying that because Luisa's my friend - it's such a charming, sweet and funny book. I've read it more than once and I'd recommend it to anyone (even David, and he's a crusty curmudgeon).

If you don't believe me, read this glowing review*.

* that I wrote.

The internet's a peculiar place

Just saw this on Ellen and it made me laugh so I thought I'd share, but 9 million views and who knows how many "tribute" videos? Some people have got waaaay too much time on their hands!

March Madness update 2

First of all I want to address some things in the comments. Maz compared this regime to that of Gillian McKeith. Well, I've never watched any of her shows (too much focus on poo), but from what I've heard she's much stricter than I'm being. The only dietary restriction is crap chocolate! I can literally eat anything else I want (and, sadly, have been doing so). I can even eat non-crap chocolate. I'm certainly not surviving on mung bean salads and mixed seeds!

Jonathan questioned the cut down on tea. I know that black tea is good for you, but it seems to have an ill effect on me. I have milk and sugar and it makes me feel sluggish. I also often just drink it out of habit. Someone says, "Fancy a brew?" (as they do round here) and I say "Go on then" and don't even enjoy it. Plus what's the point of tea without biscuits? A cup of tea is, for me, never just a cup of tea...

So yesterday went well. I didn't manage to meditate and I'll tell you for why. The guided meditations that I like to listen to are on the computer. I didn't get home until after 7pm and I'm not allowed on the computer after 7, am I?!

In fact, I got home at 8pm and still hadn't exercised. I thought about cheating, but then I thought about blogging and so on went the sports bra and the Dancing With the Stars DVD and I was actually really glad I did it. See, this blogging's paying off!

Pillowy hills

When I wrote my inspiration list I included Oregon. We went there in 2001 as part of our Big US Trip and I loved everything about it. Not only did it inspire one of my half-finished books, if I ever needed a "happy place", Gold Beach would be it.

Apart from the glorious coastline, the other thing I loved about Oregon was what I took to calling the pillowy hills: rolling hills that looked like an unmade bed. I never managed to get a photo, but I found this one on Flickr - don't they just look like you could sink into them?

March Madness update 1

I managed everything yesterday and, in fact, only had two cups of tea instead of the planned three (or the usual four or five...).

Struggled a bit to get all the fruit and veg in, mainly because we haven't got much in apart from berries and I'm not wild about berries. I've already found that five isn't that difficult to achieve (previously, I'd be surprised if I get five portions in a week!). If I make sure I have one portion with each meal then I can have one as a snack and another as dessert in the evening.

I had an appalling night's sleep last night. So appalling that I've ordered new pillows. Again.

I'm not sure where I'm going to get my exercise in today - I've got the car so there goes the walking (it's freezing out there, I'm not walking if I don't have to). I won't be home in time for the DivaTV yoga. Think that means it's a DVD for me. But when? The thing that's great about this month's plan is that, usually, I'd say 'Ah well, can't exercise today", but now I know I *have* to ... and so I will.

Thank you for your support (I'll always wear it)

For a while now I've been feeling a little sluggish. And by that I mean literally like a slug. My skin and hair are dull. I haven't got much energy and I'm a terrible sleeper. While I haven't really had a good night's sleep since conceiving Harry (I'm not exaggerating - it's not his fault, he sleeps like a dog - I just can't seem to get comfortable and I wake up with dry mouth, dead arms, or Too Many Thoughts), it definitely seems to be getting worse and I'm sick of it. And I'm not going to take it anymore.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I read a magazine article [Carol Mithers, A Month of Living Perfectly, O March 08], in which the journalist chose to live for a month in accordance with all the heath advice that's constantly trotted out in magazines, etc., to see if it was doable and if it made a difference.

As soon as I read it, I knew I wanted to do that too. Then I wondered who I could pitch it to. Then I felt a sinking feeling, which reminded me that I don't want to write for magazines anymore. But I kept thinking about it.

You see, for some reason, I am a total approval whore. When I lost weight after having Harry, it was because I was seeing a naturopath and there was no way I was going to see him each week and tell him I'd failed to do what he'd told me to do. (He wasn't particularly effusive with his praise - a simple "Good" made me truly proud and happy.)

So what to do? And then I remembered my blog. While it's probably rather easy for me to cheat if I'm only writing on my blog, I'll only be treating cheating myself (woah, Freudian slip, anyone?). So ... for the month of March I will...

1. Drink two litres of water per day.

2. Eat five portions of fruit or vegetables per day.

3. Meditate every day (for a minimum of five minutes).

4. Exercise every day (minimum 20 minute walk)

5. Drink no more than three cups of tea (my drug of choice) per day.

6. Avoid crap chocolate, i.e. I can eat "good" dark chocolate in small amounts, but no Mars/Cadburys, etc. (When I told David this he said, "Shame it's Easter, isn't it." Crap.) 

7. Floss!

8. Have more sex. I'm not going to tell you how much we're having or how much we should be having. You'll just have to trust me on this one. (I love the idea that I'll be able to say to David: "Come on, we've got to have sex ... it's for my blog!")

9. I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full and eat more consciously, but this has historically been the hardest thing for me, so I'm not making any promises (except that I promise to do my best!)

10. Computer off at 7pm at the latest. No exceptions.

No dieting, because I no longer believe in diets (the proof is in the two stone weightgain!). Plus I'll try to make this an additional post each day so I don't bore you all to death with details of my broccoli consumption and the resulting poos (I'm joking - I won't write about poo unless I absolutely have to!)

And, yes, I know it's the 4th, but it was Sunday by the time I realised it was March (the time! where does she go?!), but I stuck to all of the above yesterday except I forgot to floss.

Wish me luck!

Learning...

I just thought I'd mention that I've been up since about 4.15am and awake for probably half an hour before that, but that it only took about 45 minutes of worry, fretting and second-guessing before I remembered that these early angst-filled awakenings happen on a more or less monthly basis, if you get my drift.

Once I realised that it was physical/hormonal, I accepted it quite happily, made myself a cup of "energising" herbal tea and a buttered bagel and settled down to catch up on the doings of Ben and Birdy. Bonus time!

Inspiration

I mentioned an epiphany the other day and it was all thanks to a new e-zine by Erin at Design for Mankind.  I haven't been able to download the first issue, but as I was reading the second I inevitably started to think about my own inspirations. And then I wrote them down: 

Lavender, Sex and the City, the light at the "magic hour", Starbucks, Martha Beck, New York, bookshops, Cobourg, the sea, Jason Mraz, coffee shops, San Francisco, cherry blossom, Armistead Maupin, Carrie & Danielle, beaches, Sesame Street, Sark, Hebden Bridge, Aaron Sorkin, American magazines (O, Living, Bust, Body+Soul, Wondertime, Blueprint (RIP), Domino, Writers' Digest), Mary Oliver's poetry, When Harry Met Sally, trees, Meg Cabot, sunrise, letterpress, Lauren Child, Etsy, musicals (particularly Avenue Q), Ikea, blogs and blogging, pebbles, light-filled homes, Oregon, hygge, Gilmore Girls, cups and saucers, grass, Michael Neill's podcasts, stationery, tea, chocolate, the postcards from my parents when they lived in Canada, the word "joy", (old) Fiat 500s, Strictly Come Dancing.

I've frequently found myself at the end of the day reading/reading about/googling/thinking about the above as a kind of guilty pleasure, but as I do it I get this peculiar feeling. A combination of excitement and nostalgia, but with a fleeting sense that I'm missing something. You know when there's something there, but you can't quite grasp it?

Well thanks to Erin's e-zine, I realised that I use the above as an escape from work when they should be a way of inspiring my work. It was absolutely like one of Oprah's "A-ha moments"!

And it helped me make a decision that I've been putting off. I don't want to write for magazines anymore. I no longer enjoy it and I find every aspect of it stressful. The original "freelance journalist" plan was a way to do something I enjoyed and which supported my fiction, while getting me out of the glamorous world of corporate recovery and insolvency (*shudder*). While it was certainly successful in one way, it hasn't so much been supporting my fiction as pushing it out. And that's not inspiring to me.

I still enjoy the online stuff - particularly Trashionista - and I'm going to keep doing it as long as they'll have me, but my main focus is going to be fiction.