keris stainton

Another game

Another post! But it *is* bonus day...

I enjoyed the movie game so much (and you were all so brilliant at it!), I decided to do a TV one. But first the last two answers to the movie one:

7. Off you go, you small boys.

Is from Gregory's Girl. Not the best quote, but the only one on IMDb that *I* recognised and I've seen the film about ten times!

15. - Who the f*ck* is Dick?
      - Huh? You want me to suck his dick?

Is from True Romance. Said by the fabulous Bronson Pinchot, it's my favourite line in the film.

*Sorry, meant to asterisk this last time, but then I forgot!

Okay, so now the TV ones. Same rules apply:

• NO Googling or using IMDb search functions (they're not all from IMDb anyway, because some of the IMDb quotes were rubbish).

1. Half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard. Black Books, Fran (Fran *Katzenjammer*?!)

2. I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution. The block of cheese was huge - over two tons. And it was there for any and all who might be hungry. The West Wing, Diane

3. - I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
    - Really?
    - No, freak show! She's fictional! Friends, Diane

4. I heard him yelling at you the other day, 'You can't shoot straight you big titted bitch'. Spaced, Sarah (it's one of my faves too, Sarah!)

5. - I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other.
    - Dad always said that was your fault. Arrested Development, go Stella! :)

6. Do bears bear? Do bees be? Moonlighting, Leanne

7. I laugh in the face of danger. Then run and hide until it goes away. Buffy, Marissa

8. By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... no. Will & Grace, Diane

9. Fine, if you guys wanna sit around for an hour after school swapping makeover horror stories, then count me in. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I plucked outside of my designated brow line? Man, was my face red. Gilmore Girls, definitely not Stella :)

10. I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it. Sex and the City, Lazy Perfectionista

Good luck! Yay! You got them all. And quick, too. Well done! :)

Why?

Harry's just sat down next to me and, apropos of nothing, said, "Kiss this foot? Yeah. Okay." And then he kissed my foot. And returned to playing with his trains.

Dream life

I'm not a big believer in dream analysis. My dreams are generally so demented that I expect the only thing they could tell me is that *I* am demented.

But last night I had two dreams on the same theme and they were vivid enough that I had to look them up.

In the first dream I was Angelina Jolie (stop laughing) and me and Brad were on a sailing boat. First of all, it was all quite relaxing and then the sea became really rough and I started to get worried that we weren't going to make it. Then a large wave came and we caught it and glided up onto a beach, laughing (and startling some sunbathers).

In the second, me (really me this time) and David were in the sea somewhere near Australia. We were on a motor scooter, David in front, me behind. Again, the sea became rough and I was worrying, but then a huge ship came along side us (in fact, at first, there were ships on both sides and I worried we were going to get squished) and the side of it opened and we were sucked into the ship.

I get some of the details: I was reading about Brad'n'Ange yesterday (could it really be twins?!). There was sailing in Failure to Launch. I emailed Gabrielle last night and she's heading off to Australia today. There was a scooter on Ellen that I admired.

But all that smooth and rough water? I don't know.

So I looked up "ocean":

To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings.  It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment,  tranquility and renewal.

To dream that you are traveling across the ocean, signifies new found freedom and independence. You are showing great courage.

The first part is actually correct. I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday (no, really, I did) and changes are afoot. Hopefully the second part is true too.

And then I looked up "sailing":

To dream that you are sailing on peaceful waters, represents how your life is going and how you are able to handle life's problems.

To dream that you are sailing against the wind, indicates that you are being confronted with much difficulties.

Hmm. So what if there's both? In both dreams it started out smooth and then became rough. I am choosing to believe that means currently my life is going smoothly (which it is ... smoothly and boringly), but the decision I made yesterday is going to bring "much difficulties". This seems appropriate. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

Finally I looked up "sailboat":

To see a sailboat in your dream, represents success.

While I sincerely hope that's the case, particularly following the epiphany, I think the boat might just be from Failure to Launch...

(Top pic is Lake Ontario, Canada, bottom is Oceanside, California.)

I nearly launched my lunch

Have you seen this movie?

I'm watching it now (in the corner of my screen) and wondering how in god's name it got made. It's crap.

I've only managed to keep watching it because I love Sarah Jessica Parker and Zooey Deschanel. I usually love Matthew McConaughey too, but what's he doing with his career? So many crappy rom-coms. And he's always the same character. I mean, I loved How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but this is just another (lazy) twist on that.

But I'm not even that bothered about all the cliches (many cliches) - although I am bothered by the speech SJP's character just gave: "I thought I was happy until I met you, but then I met you and realised how empty and pathetic my life really was." Puke.

Oh and then she said, "You just have to decide, do you want to spend the rest of your life having fun or do you want to spend it with me." For feck's sake.

Also SJP was airbrushed. On film! How do they even do that?

But the most ridiculous thing about it was all the stupid talking animals. What the...?

I love Lola

I am absolutely buying this for my office door.

I think I could be happy here...

Ben and Jen's new house.

Overheard in ... Preston

It's not New York, but what the hey.

I've spent the last couple of hours in Starbucks (yes, reading magazines for free) and, as I left, I noticed a couple sitting at a table. They looked to be in the late fifties, early sixties.

As I passed them, I heard the woman say, "Masturbating..."

I slowed my pace (obviously) just long enough to hear her add, "in the en-suite."

I've been laughing about it all the way home. I just wish I had more details!

DickWatch: too many to list...

I've just read Ayn Carrillo's Good Vibrations. It's an entertaining and informative look at porn (apart from one chapter, details from which will be added to my Paul McKenna sanctioned list of Things That Will Put Me Off My Food).

Anyhoo, in the book is a discussion of a piece on National Public Radio in the US:

"Researchers had attractive women go to a bar and flirt with guys. Once the guys seemed really interested in the women, they instructed the women to drop the 'H bomb'. In other words, the women were told to mention to the men that they graduated from Harvard. When the women did that, within two minutes the guy would find an excuse to exit the conversation."

And then this morning, I read this:

Women are twice as likely to be turned down for a job if they have young children, a survey of Scottish employers has revealed.

The research, based on confidential interviews of 167 employers in Scotland, found women with children under five were the most disadvantaged, with many bosses refusing to take on those with family commitments.

Research carried out by the Employment Research Institute (ERI) at Napier University in Edinburgh found some bosses were prepared to break the law and overlook a strong candidate because they assumed a mother would need time off to look after young children.

Employers admitted that women with young children were seen as a huge gamble and, as a result, were 56 times less likely to get the job.

Professor Ronald McQuaid of the ERI, said: “For these employers, it is not gender that is the issue, but rather women having young children."

I love the "it is not gender that is the issue" - so employers also avoid fathers of young children, do they?

As Emily said recently: emancipation my arse.

We're playing a game!*

Since some of my favourite bloggers (Stella, Gabrielle and Diane) have done this I have to do it too (I can't be left out! I'm too insecure!).

• Pick fifteen of your favourite movies.
• Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
• Post them here for everyone to guess.
• Strike it out when someone guesses correctly in the comments, and put who guessed it and the movie.
• NO Googling or using IMDb search functions.

1. What's wrong with the way I talk? What's the big idea? Am I dumb or something? Singin' in the Rain, Jill

2. You want to take her to my place, get cleaned up, come out of the bathroom with your aftershave on, and she goes "Oh! I had you all wrong." Out of Sight, Stella (I knew you'd get that one!)

3. You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart. St Elmo's Fire, Emily

4. Do you know why you're afraid when you're alone? I do. I do. The Sixth Sense, Michelle (Just that one little quote gave me the shivers, made me well up and now I have to watch the film again.)

5. - I like him; he's got a lot of charm.
    - Well he comes by it naturally his grandfather was a snake. His Girl Friday, Mil (I'm so glad someone got that!)

6. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back. When Harry Met Sally, Claire

7. Off you go, you small boys.

8. Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale. Juno, Gabrielle (Such a good line!)

9. We've got Armadillos in our trousers. It's really quite frightening. This Is Spinal Tap, Bob

10. I shall call him squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my squishy! Finding Nemo, Jo

11. - Here he is.
      - Who?
      - The man from the moon. But I think you've killed him already. ET, Joyce

12. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's the latest craze sweeping the Pennines, and I've got to be honest, I'd rather be sweeping the Pennines right now. 24 Hour Party People, Suzi

13. So you're my Uncle Joey. Better get used to these bars, kid. Back to the Future, Claire

14. - Some men tried to get into the house.
     - Well are they still there?
      - I'm not sure, we've shut the curtains. Shaun of the Dead, Marissa (Yay! David said no-one would get that!)

15. - Who the fuck is Dick?
      - Huh? You want me to suck his dick?

*That's a quote too, but it's from Three Fights, Two Weddings and A Funeral, which isn't a film.

Why I love Ellen Page

I already loved her after Juno and then I read this in the Guardian:

"I call myself a feminist. I hope everyone is. You know you're working in a patriarchal society when the word feminist has a weird connotation."

Plus how cute is this picture.

The same Guardian column contained this:

No, Lindsay, no ...

From the sublime to the ridiculous: could someone please explain why Lindsay Lohan has stripped naked (save for a dodgy blond wig) to re-create Marilyn Monroe's last major photo shoot? New York magazine, which publishes the photos this week, justifies them thus: "Like any tabloid veteran, Lohan understands the potency of a photograph, and that the best way to respond to a society that views you only as an image might just be on its own terms."

So, let's get this straight - if you've been completely objectified for years, and have recently suffered the addictive issues that so often accompany such treatment, the best way forward is for you to be objectified some more? Hmm. Didn't work out so well for Marilyn, did it?

Indeed.

Meme

Ah, perfect for half-term! Kate has tagged me! I think I did this one a while ago, but what they hey!

Four jobs I've held:

Steward at Wembley
Bookseller
Mother's Help
Door-to-door Kleeneze salesperson

Four movies I've watched over and over again:

When Harry Met Sally, obv (my fave)
Spinal Tap (David's fave)
Gregory's Girl (joint fave)
Elmo in Grouchland (H's fave, until he knackered the disk)

Four places I've been:

New York
Paris
London
Toronto

Four places I've lived:

Wallasey, Wirral
East Finchley, London
Bury, Lancashire
Winnipeg, Canada (extremely briefly)

Four TV shows I watch:

Reaper (Like Ghostbusters crossed with Scooby Doo. Love it!)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (Missed it on Monday! Boo!)
Ellen
The Daily Show

Four radio shows I listen to:

The News Quiz
Down the Line
Sometimes Jonathan Ross
and that's it...

Four things I look forward to:

Spring. I love Spring.
Wednesdays when I don't have to get the bus to preschool
Weekends
Any holiday (need to get one sorted out for this year ... we're thinking Norfolk)

Four favourite foods:

Chocolate
Stem Ginger cookies
Roast chicken
Cooked breakfast

Four places I'd rather be:

Cobourg, Ontario
New York
San Francisco
Sorrento

Four people I e-mail regularly:

Luisa
Lisa
Zoe
Gabrielle

Four people I've tagged:

Oh, tagging is so labour-intensive. Just do it if you want. But if you do, make sure you tell me so I can come and nosey at your answers!

All new Dancing With the Stars!!

Okay, I'm excited. I so loved the last couple of seasons of Dancing With the Stars and next month it's back - back! Ah, Tom Bergeron. How I've missed you!

The line-up? Mixed.

People I've heard of:

Steve Guttenberg - had such a crush on him in the Police Academy movies (the couple I saw)

Shannon Elizabeth - from American Pie

Penn Jillette - one of Penn & Teller and father of the celebaby with the coolest name ever: Moxie Crimefighter

Marlee Matlin - Joey Lucas! I LOVE HER! One of my Top 5 favourite West Wing characters and an all-round fabulous actress and inspiring woman. Do you know, I read this line-up a few hours ago and I know Marlee Matlin is deaf, but it was literally only just as I was uploading this pic that I realised ... she's deaf. How's she going to do this? I mean, Heather Mills was one thing (and, much as I dislike her, I did admire her for taking part ... until that fake fall, that is), but Marlee Matlin is deaf! In a dancing competition. I love her.

Priscilla Presley - I don't know what to think about this. And I'm kind of scared to see if she's had any more surgery. Last time I saw her (in Morrisons ... no, not really, it was on This Morning), she looked like the Joker.

Monica Seles - Is she the one who used to go out with Matthew Perry?

People I haven't heard of:

Adam Carolla - a comedian
Jason Taylor - NFL
Marissa Jaret Winokur - Broadway star (she was Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray)
Kristi Yamaguchi - figure skater
Cristian de la Fuente - actor
Mario - rapper

What makes me laugh about this line-up is you can just see the researchers going: "Right, got a disabled one, a black one, a fat one, an old one, a sporty girl, a sporty boy, a hot girl, a hot boy, a funny one, one for the older ladies, one for the older gents ... and Penn Gillette."

I seriously can't wait.

McDreamy ... in Rome

Sigh. Just ... sigh.

The lovely Ms Mac sent me this. She took it in Rome airport.

McDreamy. In Rome. That's a perfect sexual fantasy right there.

(Click to enlarge. The *picture*, pervs!)

This week's...

... America's Next Top Model review is here.

Is it too late for me to get into deejaying...?

This is the terrace of DJ Paul Oakenfold's LA house.

I was thinking I'd never go indoors, but there are beautiful views from indoors too (obviously, would be kind of weird if there weren't).

He's selling. I wish I was buying.

But really, I can't imagine living in a house like this. It's such a stretch for me to think of sitting out on that terrace with that view drinking my morning cup of tea rather than sitting on a beanbag chair in front of my computer with Wanted Down Under on TV...

Can you imagine?

It's half term...

... so posting will be erratic (I've set some stuff on timer, cos you know I can't leave you hangin').

I'm actually surprised by how much I'm looking forward to a week with Harry. Makes me feel sad for September when he's off to school. I'll be so lonely... (don't say it!).

But this week's not going to be all fun and games, oh no. On Tuesday, a friend who's training to be an ... er ... electrolysiser (that's the word, surely?), is going to, er, electrolysise me. Armpits, legs, the hag whisker on my lip, it's all going. Fingers crossed. And then, when I get back from that, I'm off to the doctors to have that thing done that women have to have done every three years. And that ain't fun.

Oh and I'm reminded because Rachel's just got her in-line skates out on Friends, that I finally went out on my in-line skates today. Remember? The ones I bought at the car boot sale so very many moons ago? Well, I've skated up and down the hall in them, but I was afraid to go out on my own in case I fell, broke something, and was left floundering like a turtle until someone came to my rescue.

So off I went down the road with David and Harry holding my hands. As David said, he probably looked like my carer. It was hard work. And exhausting. But really funny. "Are we having fun?!" Harry shouted halfway home. And we were. But there's no way in hell I'm going out in those things on my own.

Harry cards

The "thank you for my Christmas present" cards I made this year (and actually managed to get out before the end of January).

Unfortunately, the scanner was broken upstairs and I am lazy, so I had to take photos, which doesn't show them very well. If you point at them you can see them in full. The "spaceman" is my favourite.

And, yes, I do take commissions :)

 

Things That Make Me Happy No. 13: Bedshaped in Italian

I love the song Bedshaped by Keane so when I discovered it has been covered by Vittorio Grigolo, I had to check it out. Loving the song (although I prefer the original), but loving the fantastically cheesy video even more.

Juno

Yes, I saw it and, yes, I loved it.

It's so good!

Of course, it's got Michael Cera, Jason Bateman and Alison Janney, so the chances were I was going to love it, but I really, REALLY, loved it.

The script is amazing, the dialogue fabulous, the acting great - particularly Juno herself, Ellen Page, she definitely deserves her Oscar nomination.

It's sweet, funny, charming, thought-provoking and just all-round cool. Plus it introduced me to the term, "Oh my blog!" which made me very happy.

And can I just mention how very, very much I adore Michael Cera? I miss Arrested Development...

Happy anniversary, hubby

Twelve years married, thirteen years "together", fourteen years we've known each other. To the day. [card via someecards]

Lazy links

I'm just trying to get everything out of the way so I can go and watch Juno. So I'll be quick.

Great article by Kira Cochrane.

My review of America's Next Top Model.

Will report back re Juno (okay, now I *have* to go! Ha!).

Cool Britannia

Harry's very interested in the flags on top of the factory around the corner from us. One is the Union Jack and the other is the German flag.

This is Harry in the car yesterday, saying "Britain" and "Gernamy" [sic] and, for some unknown reason, combining them with the Goodbye song from Bear in the Big Blue House - "The moon, the flag, and the big blue Britain."

His dad also seems to have taught him to say "Britain, cool." I suppose it could have been worse...

Long Distance by Tony Harrison

We studied Tony Harrison at university and I love this poem. Makes me cry every time.

Though my mother was already two years dead
Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,
put hot water bottles her side of the bed
and still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn't just drop in.  You had to phone.
He'd put you off an hour to give him time
to clear away her things and look alone
as though his still raw love were such a crime.

He couldn't risk my blight of disbelief
though sure that very soon he'd hear her key
scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief.
He knew she'd just popped out to get the tea.

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven't both gone shopping; just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there's your name
and the disconnected number I still call. 

[source]

Friday film frenzy!

Free in last week's Observer was their Film Quarterly magazine, which featured an interview with author Kate Mosse called Films of My Life. I hardly ever write about films so I thought I'd nick it for my blog! (I've added some of my own categories.)

The films that remind me of childhood

Me and my sister, Leanne, used to go to a Saturday matinee at our local cinema (now, inevitably, closed). We'd get lemon bonbons or cola cubes or rainbow crystals and watch Flash Gordon, cartoons, and Children's Film Foundation films while our parents spent the morning in bed.

Calamity Jane, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Singing in the Rain, any Doris Day film - introduced to us by my nan and then encouraged by Aunty Barb. I was obsessed with musicals and so my early crushes were Gordon MacRae, Gene Kelly, Howard Keel... Once, staying at Aunty Barb's, I couldn't stop watching Seven Brides. I'd watch it, rewind it and watch it again. Eventually, Aunty B came downstairs in the early hours and blearily dragged me off to bed, still singing "Spring, Spring, Spring" presumably.

Childhood films I had to be removed from due to weeping

Watership Down (shown at school). Still haven't seen it all.

Lassie Come Home (at the cinema).

Films that made me cry the most, but I managed to stay

The Fox and the Hound. Leanne and I sat with a roll of loo paper, just spooling it out as we sobbed.

ET. Obviously.

Lost Horizon. When he carries her out of the cave, looks back over his shoulder and sees... well, I was devastated. De. Va. Stated.

Thursday's Child. Starring a very, very young Rob Lowe, it's the based on a true story of a boy with (as far as I remember) some sort of heart condition. There's a happy ending. Then the screen freezes with Rob's character jumping off a boat, caught in mid-air, laughing, healthy, happy ... and then the date of his death appears on the screen. Cut to me, lying on the bed, sobbing for (literally) 20 minutes.

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. During early John Travolta period. For much the same reasons as Thursday's Child.

The Sixth Sense. I've seen it at least six times and I cry in the same three places every time.

Defining films of teenage years

Class. Rob Lowe. Andrew McCarthy. John Cusack. A boy's boarding school. Sex. Fighting ... I wonder if it's on DVD...

St Elmo's Fire. You were either The Breakfast Club or St Elmo's Fire and I was Elmo's all the way. Billy on the roof with his sax. "What's this?" [snap!] "Scuba suit?" The step-monster. The glamorous breakdown. The pink apartment with the six foot blusher brush. (How I wanted a six foot blusher brush!) I wanted to be Demi Moore. I knew I was Mare Winningham.

Films seen more than once at the cinema

Back to the Future. 11 or 12 times

ET. 9 times

Film seen on my first ever date

Crocodile Dundee with Danny Morgan. I'd fancied him for ages (he looked like Andrew Ridgeley). Finally we were going out. He rang and said he'd fallen off his bike and wanted to warn me that his face was "a bit of a mess". He waited at the bench at the end of our road. As I approached, he looked fine, great. And then I saw the other side of his face. Covered - covered! - in an angry, and still bloody, scab. He looked like the phantom of the opera. In the cinema he slid down down down in his seat and emptied crisps into his mouth straight from the packet. Crush over.

Film seen on my first date with David

Pulp Fiction at the Odeon, Leicester Square. As David bought the tickets, I stood next to him with my back to the cashier and heard her ask David, "Is he over 18?" Sigh.

Films that have given me nightmares

Schindler's List. Ralph Fiennes on the balcony with the rifle. I had so many nightmares the night I saw it that eventually I was afraid to go back to sleep, so I didn't. I got up and read instead.

Seven. Much as I loved the genius of "pride" ("She cut off her nose..." "... to spite her face" remains one of my favourite ever movie moments), it was "lust" that really upset me.

Films that are guilty pleasures

I don't really do guilty pleasures, but I suppose watching When Harry Met Sally for the hundredth time when I could be doing something more useful counts. Then again, often there's nothing better than watching Harry and Sally fall in love...

The last film I watched with my mum

Out of Sight. One of my favourites. Mum loved George Clooney too so I knew she'd appreciate it. I was staying over because she was having chemo and feeling really unwell. I wanted to cheer her up. We sat down to watch Out of Sight and she was shuffling in her chair, groaning and sighing. I hoped she'd be able to manage to watch it, but no. Just as the scene with George in the bath was starting, mum said, "Sorry, love, I'm going to have to go to bed." "Hang on," I said, "This is the best bit." "Why?" she said, "Do you see his willy?" She died the following week.

My favourite film that no-one's heard of

The Broken Hearts Club. Zach Braff, Dean Cain in a kind of gay St Elmo's Fire. Result.

What are the films of *your* life?

Rocket man

You know I said I think Richard Branson is wonderful? There's an example of what I love about him in the same Oprah article:

"...trying to take people into space at an affordable price in an environmentally friendly way. I'll be going into space with three generations of my family!

In 12 months, we will have finished building the spaceship. We'll have extensive tests for another five months and then we'll build this incredible spaceport in the New Mexico desert.

The initial flight will be quite brief - about three hours. Later we'll develop longer flights. We've got plans to build a hotel that will circle the moon. People will be able to take short rides from the hotel using the moon's gravity. We're dreaming, and the first part of that dream will become reality shortly."

I don't know if or when it'll happen, but that's just about the most exciting thing I've ever heard.

America's Next Top Model

Yes, although I boycotted the last cycle due to the "murder victims" photoshoot, I was convinced to watch this one by someone offering to pay me to review it. My morals only go so far, you know. Got to keep the kid in ... I was going to say "shoes", but he's only got one pair and I think they're a bit tight...

Anyway. You can find my review of the first two episodes here.

Please, if you watched it, come and share your response to Tyra's "entrance". I've never seen anything quite like it.

Now that's what I call a Saturday night

Saturday afternoon I went to Manchester with my sister and after a freebie hand massage from the cute bloke on the Marc Jacobs counter followed by a yummy dinner with yummier wine, we went to Strictly Come Dancing LIVE.

We were both giddy as very giddy things and we weren't disappointed. I got butterflies as soon as I glimpsed the massive glitter ball through the glass door panel and then, when we were actually in our seats, I was beside myself (actually, I was beside my sister ... b'boom).

They'd totally recreated the Strictly set in the MEN Arena and it was just magical. (Does anyone else hear that kid off the EuroDisney advert when they hear the word "magical". Just me then?)

I don't want to give too much away in case anyone else is going (is anyone else going?), but I must admit I was disappointed when I heard Christopher Parker was on since he was, let's face it, utterly crapulous, but he (along with my beloved Craig) totally stole the show.

Everyone was brilliant though (well, Martin Offiah was only okay...) and I LOVED it. And Zoe Ball did this, one of my favourite dances of any series.

Argh!

Does anyone have any tips for getting a kid to stop hitting?

Harry's just started doing it (I'm blaming preschool) and it's fast become his favourite hobby.

I've tried a time out - he cries for about 10 seconds then wanders off and amuses himself elsewhere ... soon as he's back in the first thing he does is hit me again.

I've tried smacking him back - much as I hate doing it and the message it sends (I can't really tell him not to hit me and then hit him, can I?), but again, he cries, gives me his hand to kiss better and then belts me.

I've tried putting him in his room. He must have been in there at least six times today, for longer and longer periods. Same again. Goes in quite happily, plays, I let him out, he hits me.

I've even taken stuff off him - earlier today he used Buster (the toy dog) to hit me so now Buster's been confiscated.

And, yes, David and I have both given him numerous talkings-to and explained that it hurts us, makes us sad, etc.

Nothing seems to work.

And I'm at the end of my rope.

About ten minutes ago, he gave me a huge cuddle and then held my face in his hands and said, very seriously, "I wuv you" - the first time he's ever said it. I got a bit tearful, cuddled him some more, pulled back to tell him I love him too and he smacked my glasses right off my face.

Another found fave

000_01812.jpg, originally uploaded by Keris.

Things That Make Me Happy No. 12: Ellen

I used to watch Ellen's sitcom, but then she kind of fell off my radar until fairly recently. Now one of my favourite things is watching her dance at the beginning of her chat show.

But also, I find her incredibly inspiring. For some unholy reason, I feel kind of old and like I'm running out of time to do everything I want to do and I'm only 36. Ellen was 50 earlier this week. 50! I would never have guessed. Not only does she not look it, she's so youthful in outlook, enthusiastic and joyful (plus, unlike me, she knows new music). She makes me happy.

And she inspires me. You should watch this clip of her stand up show in which she represented her experience of coming out via the medium of interpretive dance, but just in case you don't want to watch it (busy, are ya?) then at least read this:

When you're down there there are times you believe you'll never get up again and it's a scary place and it's very dark. But I believe that's when you grow the most, when you face your fears, that's when you grow. So I decided I'm going to face every fear I have, I'm going to challenge myself every opportunity I get. People always try to make you feel better, they say, 'Oh, there's nothing to fear but fear itself'. Okay, great, now I'm scared of fear, thank you very much.