I .. don't
Hey, guess what! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married! I know! I can't believe they managed to keep it a secret, either.
But thanks to Meg Cabot, instead of being horrified by the entire endeavour, I'm amused (actually I'm still horrified, but still). Thanks to Meg's blog, I now know the Scientology vows (read them with Meg's hilarious comments here). And I love them.
The following are actual vows taken verbatim from the Scientology marriage ceremony:
Minister: And do you ken that by the customs of our race you pledge to him, and only him, your kiss and your caress?
Katie: I do.
Minister: Well, then, know that life is stark and often somewhat grim and tiredness and fret and pain and sickness do beget a state of mind where spring romance is far away and dead and yet for valor and for strength you must abide, create still his health, his purpose and repose. Do you?
Katie: I do.
Minister: And when she's older, Tom, do you then keep her still? Do you?
Tom: I do.
Minister: And do you, Katie, take his fortune at its prime and ebb and seek with him best fortune for us all? Do you?
Katie: I do.
Minister: Katie, young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.
Minister: Now, Tom, girls need clothes, and food and tender happiness and frills. A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice, if you will. But still they need them. Do you then provide? Do you?
Tom: I do.
I've found I absolutely cannot say "a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat" withough laughing my head off. Oh, I haven't been so happy since Geri called that poor kid Bluebell Madonna.
And wasn't it nice of Katie to crouch? (Although I wouldn't be surprised if he'd had her "smallened".)
Btw, I know I'm supposed to be Hubba-ing today, but I just haven't got time. Tomorrow. Instead of ANTM because I'm at George Michael tonight so won't get to see ANTM til tomorrow .. oh, it's all going wrong!
"And maybe a cat"
Priceless, absolutely priceless
Posted by: Claire | 21 November 2006 at 03:29 PM
Smallened? I think that word should be in the dictionary if it isn't already.
Posted by: wodge | 21 November 2006 at 05:19 PM
Lordy me! The man is a fruitcake!
Enjoy George, look forward to your views.
Posted by: | 21 November 2006 at 05:36 PM
"Do you? Do you?" Blimey, Scientology ministers sound like harridans!
Posted by: Ms Mac | 21 November 2006 at 06:10 PM
Hahahah, I love that. As a tall chick, I empathize with poor Katie, what was Tom thinking though. When he was bride shopping, would it have been all that difficult to find a Lilliputian?
Posted by: Rebecca | 22 November 2006 at 06:48 PM